A big brother with a big heart

One thing was clear the day Kaylee was born. Nate was finally a big brother. He was proud. He wore   the title proudly. He loved being Drew’s little brother but I think Nate   really loved being a big brother. It gave him a sense of control. It gave him   the role of being a caretaker. He was always Daddy’s helper, but when Kaylee   was born, he took on the role of Mommy’s Helper. Nate always had a soft spot   for babies. Maybe because he had a heart full of love or maybe because he   knew he was older and felt he had authority… probably both…, but as wild as Nate was he would stop and acknowledge a baby in awe. He was in awe of Kaylee from the day she was born.When I delivered Nate December 23rd, I was insistent on getting home to Drew as quickly as   possible. Drew needed his mommy home and I needed my family complete for   Christmas. As with Nate’s delivery I chose the same route after having   Kaylee. Some mothers like the quiet time in the hospital. I liked the chaos   of my house. I came home from hospital 24 hours after having Kaylee as well   to be with my boys. I was in love with a beautiful baby girl but my heart was   at home with my boys. They were my world. At home is where my family would be complete.Our first night home I spent in my cozy green rocking recliner that so comfortably took me through   three pregnancies and months of nightly nursings for 3 babies. Nate ventured downstairs at some wee hour that first night home with Kaylee and he climbed   right into that green recliner with Kaylee and I. He snuggled into me then   wrapped an arm right over top of Kaylee as if he was caring for her too. He   laid there with me for hours that night. He watched Kaylee sleep, and eat,   and then eventually fell asleep in the chair with us too. He filled my heart   with so much love. You know how there are some moments that can be ingrained   in your brain as a picture forever… This was one of those moments. Drew was   his best buddy. Daddy was his hero. Mommy was his love. Kaylee was his heart.   His love for her was clear from the moment he laid eyes on her. I knew that   night he was going to have a heart so big and love that baby girl!
 
Nate holding Kaylee
 
Nate just watching   Kaylee in awe. A moment captured in time.
Nate spent countless   mornings under a pink cupcake blanket snuggling with his sister, he helped   change her diapers, he and Drew tucked her into bed each night, he was always   so mindful of her feelings. She often demanded him to do what she wanted. As   tough as Nate was…. He wasn’t with Kaylee. He did as she said. She would   drag him across a room by his shirt and he listened to her. Those who know   Nate will know that he didn’t like being told what to do… But what Kaylee   wanted Kaylee got when it came to Nate. He played with her kitchen set   proudly. He pushed the pink shopping cart with a smile. He rode in her pink   coupe car without a care in the world. Did he love her toys? Yes, he did. But he loved playing with her with the toys more.
 
Nate riding with   Kaylee in her pink car
 
Nate reading toy   magazines to “sissy”
As I think of Nate in heaven it brings me comfort to know he will always be her angel. He will always be watching over her. There is a hole in my heart that hurts so bad to   think that Kaylee will not remember how much Nate loved her. But I promise   you Kaylee that I will make sure I do everything I can to tell you how much   your brother loved you. I’m going to make a picture book of the hundreds of   pictures I have of him holding you and snuggling with you. I’m going to tell   you about how big his heart was under that tough exterior. I’m going to teach   you how to love like he did. Your daddy and I will continue to teach you and Drew how to BE GREAT.Anyone who knows Kaylee knows that she is so much like Nate.  She reminds us of him daily.  She is full of life, loves to be outside, can throw a tantrum that may just beat his, can give a scowl look that burns, but can smile and laugh and light up a room with joy.  Kaylee, God gave you to us with a touch of Nate’s soul.  Kaylee Grace…  you are our Saving Grace.

With Love,

Katie

 
Taking care of his   sissy at Hershey Park
 
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6 thoughts on “A big brother with a big heart

  1. Sharon

    What a wonderful story to see how much love Nate had for his younger sister. Stay Great Baker family. Stay strong!!!

    Reply
  2. Jackie

    This is beautiful Katie. Actually getting the pleasure of witnessing this unconditional love since Kaylee’s birth, made this post even more difficult for me to read. I was so lucky to see how Nathan doted upon Kaylee and protected her. It was one of the most beautiful things. The last picture of Nathan and Kaylee is how I remember them, always snuggling, always together. That picture has pulled at my heart strings a lot this morning. You are right, Kaylee will always know how Nathan loved her.
    Love you guys.
    Jackie

    Reply
  3. Karen Seay

    Katie, reading this brought a stream of fresh tears down my cheeks. I have my grandson, Brayden, this weekend and everything in my house is a mess, the dishes are piled up, the laundry isn’t done, if you don’t watch EVERY step, you WILL tumble down on one of his toys. My bed is not made, the dog feels ignored. I picked him up early from nursery and took him in church with me cuz I couldn’t stand being away from him! I even made a special trip out to Jan’s yesterday to be able to show him off to someone! All time has stopped because my grandson is in my house. I now appreciate that I hold all those I love with an open hand. They do not belong to me, but they are on loan to me from God. He can give and He can take. While I have this time He has given me…I will be the one taking…every moment, every breath I have to invest in the people I love…thank you once again for a heartfelt message that will live in my soul forever.! Love to all of you, Karen xoxo

    Reply
  4. Veronica Conner

    This is without a doubt the most touching, beautiful and heart-wrenching thing I have ever read. Although I don’t think we have ever met (our husbands work together), I find myself thinking and praying for your family constantly. Your and Justin’s love for your babies is evident in every comment and picture you post. It is truly amazing and inspiring how you and your family have turned such a tragedy into an amazing project Nate would be so proud of. As blessed as you were to have Nate in your lives, it’s easy to see Nate was just as blessed to have you as his Mommy.

    Reply
  5. Jenelle Baker Cannon

    This was so well said katie, Im constantly thinking of nathan throughout the day and 75% of my memories have him with kaylee at his side and I think my others were from before she was born:) he definitely loved that little girl and he had such a way with her. We will all help her rememeber his love but Im certain that God will help her to feel it. Love is gods greatest gift and it is eternal, death cannot sever a bond of love, and she’ll feel it from heaven and Im sure that Nathan will always watch over his little girl. Love you guys.

    Reply

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